Past tense.

I stepped back. And i hit someone's elbow accidentally. I turned around and i saw you from far away. You, of course, were not looking at my direction. I turned back, staring at the match, seeing but not watching, imagining if it was your elbow. It felt so comforting acknowledging your presence as though you're about to throw yourself in front of a bullet to save me or something. If it were you standing right behind me, i would have conscious of my tousled hair. My heartbeat would have accelerated but i couldn't help. It was beyond my control. I might turn around and grinned, or i might have secretly took your hand, so that you would stare blankly at me. Both idea, however, seemed completely unlikely. So i mentally shook my head and shoved all those thoughts in a drawer.

I stomped up the stairs, tagging along. We stood at the far end of the hall and we all watched them playing badminton. I saw your friends a moment later and, before realizing what i was doing, i shifted my eyes around the hall, looked for you. You were nowhere to be seen, anyway, and that somehow made me both relieved and disappointed. I remembered them telling me you were good at badminton and i, however, did not have a chance to see it with my own eyes. I did not know that i actually had a tiny little wish to watch you having a game, so that i could be able to know how good you were. I wanted you to be there at that moment, so that i could ask you to play for a while. For me, perhaps. Again, i told myself to stop being silly. Get a grip, me. I had no rights to.What if you just stared at me and walked away, whispering 'stupid cow'? I could not take it. I chose to leave.

I, still, have feelings for you. They are extreme, honestly. I used to like you a lot i could literally grin like an idiot at the thought of you; i used to hate you a lot i actually cursed at you and regretted about my decision.

I remember that day, or days, to be precise. I've gone through it once, yet i've gone through it for so many times. For you being extraordinarily and irritably protective, i wished to embrace freedom; for not having a single word from you, i wished we were together. I don't know how i've gone through those days as i will never, ever cry my eyes out at school. I was playing it cool. I told You-Know-Who that with a smile on my face. She was, undoubtedly, surprised and she said i was being cold-blooded. I did not care. I wanted to tell her all about that so that i would not have to repeat it.

I flickered my eyes away when i saw you. I told myself firmly that i could live on my own happily without your presence, like how i did before i met you. I reminded myself to show a huge grin all the time when i was at school. But the time at home was tough. No texts, no good nights, nothing. I felt hollow inside. I felt so sick to think that i secretly needed you.

I remembered those days, i did perfectly well in the exam. The reasons behind it were, i did not go online, so that i would not feel wrong not chatting with you on MSN; i studied hard to reassure myself i had made the right decision; i quited the damn game, which reminded me of you all the time; i went to bed so early cos i knew i would have needed an extra ten more minutes to fall asleep. It was nighttime when finally the pain i'd suppressed so long got the best of me.

It wasn't easy to move on. I didn't know how long it took. Or had i actually moved on yet? Part of me wish that you'll tell me that you will wait on me for ever; part of me wished that you will move on so that im not wasting your time.

It was an impressive achievement that i can't believe how tough i had been. I was trying as hard as i could not to make my friends worried. I didn't waste their time listening to my crap. I didn't waste any tissue paper on my rolling-down tears, as they fell perfectly on my fluffy pillow.

I was strong. I really was.

I am strong. I really am.

And i will be strong. I will really be.

Now it seems like i don't give a damn how you're doing. But, i can remember your marks better than the others'. I can remember your phone number even though i've removed it from my contact list. I can remember your voice so clearly as though it is impossible to tune out. I can pick you out from the whole crowd of people without making any effort to.

But neither of these things matter. I used to telling myself that i don't care for you. Though, i realized it is just a lie that i've repeated so many times and it sounds almost convincing. You don't appear in my mind, but you sometimes do appear in my dreams.

The clouds are thinning, the rain gone. The sun might even make an appearance just in time to set.





I know, i was being dramatic. :)

Shallow.

As a warning for those who are waiting for a... i dunno. Im just telling you this post is to cheer myself up in future but it actually has got nothing to do with outsider like you LOL.

I wanted to blog yesterday OK!! Not that im lazy or what. Just that people keep mentioning, in Twitter, that Blogger is not working properly like it will remove your post after you've posted it or what la i dunno. As a member of the 'kiasus', i, of course, will not risk things like that cos i will be mad when i don't see my latest post after i've been typing it for an hour.

Yes, kiasu, me.

OK ready for the SHALLOW ME???? Here you go.

I was extraordinarily happy yesterday cos something extraordinary happens on a typical Saturday!!!! HAPPY NOT!!!

WTF. OK this is the reason i was excited.


Can yeh see that?????? OMFG I HAVE DOUBLE EYELIDS! (Waaa i didnt know i look like this from this particular angle.)

Wtf i told you this is a shallow post. Regret already? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

One more photo showing you my scarcely-appears double eyelids.


It happens when there's more than 30k humans turn into werewolves cos of bright full moon wtf. Like, SO RARE I HAVE TO TAKE PHOTOS.

And if you're wondering why on earth am i so happy about this tiny little double eyelids, it's becos i don't have one wtf. Apparently la or else why am i so happy about this. -.-

DoDo says i don't have double eyelids since i was born but but but DoDo's double eyelids are super pwetty one!!! What? I'm a foster child isit? *breaks into tears and rolls on the floor gasping for oxygen


This photo is to show you the importance of fringe for a flower horn.

NOT!!! Is to show you double eyelids makes a HUGE difference with the size of your eyes! (Though my eyes are already different sizes la. Still!) I dunno if it's just optical illusion or not but it really makes my eye looks bigger leh! And sad lah it's 'eye' but not 'eyes' cos it appears on one side only.


PWETTY ANOT!!!! OK i swear this is the last photo.

Moral value of the post : Things that you did not expect might happen!

I've got no idea how the double eyelids thingy happens but it disappears after my nap. Haih zhao zhi dao i don't want to have my nap so that i ken at least stay pretty for the whole Saturday wtf. Perhaps it happens when i don't get sufficient sleep la. So exam is a good thing after all?

MEH.

*

I had my last the-end-of-the-year holidays and i think i updated myself a little cos...

*drum rolls






I WATCHED THE WHOLE THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN SERIES. *cues the songs from the movie

And i was totally in love with Captain Jack Sparrow for the whole holidays. *melts

And NAO!

The return of Captain Jack Sparrow and his fellow... err what? shipmate? Whatever.

HAVE YOU NOT EXCITED YETTT??????????

I've just watched the trailer and I'm going to watch it in the cinema even if it means i have to go alone (which is unlikely) or i'll have to queue up for a fortnight (which is also unlikely) or i'll have to... OK la I'm just showing you IM WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO GET MYSELF A TICKET WTF.

Cheat one cos i don't have to do anything except to go with my classmates and says, 'Eh help me buy a ticket ya thanks!' *thrusts money into his/her hand

Wtf. All in all, i was happy with my double eyelids and i was hyperventilating of Captain Jack Sparrow. If you have not watched the previous ones from the series of The Pirates of the Caribbean, please go and watch OK!! Don't make yourself feel like, Har what is that movie about? Very fun one meh? The captain's left hand got a hook or something one ma i know. PUR-LEASE, that's not my dear Captain Jack Sparrow OK!!

NAO, GO WATCH.

Y U NO SAY ME PWEETY?

Pheeeeewwwww. One week exam, gone. And the best among the bests is, no more History and BM essays! I broke my own record, as in really broke it. I've only had two hours of sleep the day we had our History test! Dont ask me how i did it OK! I did it cos i iz a pro and you iz not!!

OK la kidding. You also pro OK?

(Must be good so that you all will keep visiting my blog wtf. #kiasu)

And nao i have super ugly purple rings under my eyes haih.

It was last week my cousins came to Penang and i was like, WAH YOU GUYS NO EXAMS AH?

So i sacrificed my time- which was for my History revisions- to keep them accompanied. Awesome right, me? :D

They came over to my house so after two hours we went out for dinner. FYI, DeeDee is currently driving this,

I googled kereta pacuan empat roda, (Ya ya credits to BM literature.) i get this and i was like WTFFFFF?
Still, WTFFFFFF. Completely unrelated.

So as it shows in the googled-photo, i mean the previous one la, it's quite impossible for the six of us to squeeze inside. (Erhem we all are adults OK!!) So, my cousin came up with the idea that the two of them sit at the back (As in the place when you put stocks or tiles or whatever la heavy stuff.) and the rest of us can happily stay inside with comfy air-conditioned seats. #Veryconsiderate.

At first i was like, WHAAAAAT? CAN SIT AT THE BACK ONE MEH?

(Cos i thought DeeDee will never allow us to do so in a million years.)

And i think you're smart to know what i did next.

TA-DAH!

My handsome cousin bro. :D

OH DAMN IT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED MY COUSIN SISTER'S PHOTOS. DAMN. Kennot show you how pweety she is then.

No photo of me cos my hair flings like crazy and i deleted them cos they're very ugly.

And these are photos during our dinner. Not much food on the frying pan (LOL frying pan? Idk what it's called as lah.) cos that produces shitloads of smoke and im aware that my brand-new camera will choke and die. #Superprotective.

OK la kidding it's bcos i think it will be all oily and yucky.

SPOT THE DIFFERENCES!

I likey the Twilight setting cos it makes photos look really romantic and awesome!

And me!I likey this pic a lot i dunno why. It's not like im very chio in there. *shrugs

Very Audrey-ish HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So if you're wondering why am i wearing two different shirts, I TOLD YOU IT'S OILY AND YUCKY! And this was the 'after'!

Enjoy! Cos it takes forever to upload pic with BLOGGER. -.-